The last time I took some time to blog, I was telling everyone about Phil being laid off and the turmoil associated with that. It’s been a few weeks now and things are still difficult for us. We have lived in fear of not being able to provide for our family, fear of not being able to pay the basic bills. We have cried and we have been depressed. We have felt like we were on a roller coaster; on the upside we were doing ok and truly trusting in God and a moment later we are on the down slope and our stomachs are churning and our eyes are watering. It has been very hard to find a balance of emotion. In the process, we have lost almost 25 lbs combined and we aren’t dieting. (Personally, this is an upside for me.)
In the past few weeks, even when we’ve been our most terrified, we have seen God in our troubled times. Leaning on Him is not always easy. In fact, leaning on Him takes considerable effort at times. It’s not an easy thing to give all your fears to God and just let them go. It’s not our human nature to do that. We try. We know we should. We want to trust in Him. We want the peace which transcends all understanding (Phil 4:6-7), but how do we actually implement our desire to trust and lean on Him. How do we actually give our worries to Him and find that peace?
The answer, for me recently has been: one second at a time. Yes, every single second of fear I’ve felt, I’ve had to make a conscious effort to give that second to God. I’ve had to make a decided effort to pray and trust in Him. Did I immediately feel complete peace wash over me: not really. The fear and the upset stomach, they were still there, but there was also a real sense that I logically knew God was in control.
Implementing faith and seeing God:
We have strived to give back to God what He has given to us, even in these tough times. That means still writing a check for offering every Sunday even if I don’t know if I can pay the credit card bill. I’ve sat at my desk the past few Sunday mornings writing my offering checks and praying as I do. My prayer: “Lord, I give back to you just a portion of what you have given to me. I know that things are tough right now, but I’m trusting in you Father. Please continue to provide for our family. May these funds be used to glorify you Lord.” At the end of the prayer, I seal the envelope and I try to feel peace. Not so easy to do!
But you know, praying and tithing and just trying hard to do what God would want us to do in this rough situation has shown us God’s love! He has answered our prayers in small ways. He has shown us that He is indeed with us.
Last Friday, I was blessed with two unexpected events when we really needed them. I received my paycheck and I am a salaried employee. On the paycheck, my boss had placed a $100 bonus because I had done some extra work. He didn’t need to do that at all and I certainly wasn’t expecting it….his business is feeling the effects of the stock market crisis. God was caring for me and it was beautiful. But even more than that one blessing, the same day, I arrived home and found an unexpected check for $150 in our mailbox. What a huge blessing! God was speaking to us!
Sunday morning at church, I asked in the Sunday school office if they had any needs that I could help with. They were fully staffed, so Phil and I started cleaning up a spot on the mural in the hall that was driving me nuts. Ten minutes in and I get the call to head to the 3rd grade classroom to fill in for a teacher who hadn’t arrived. This is a great group of kids and the co-teacher giving the lesson is a fabulous guy. So I dig in to help and realize that God had put me here for a specific reason. The lesson was on coveting and contentment. The last portion of the class dealt with Paul’s words in Philippians 4:11-13 11I’m not saying that because I need anything. I have learned to be content no matter what happens to me. 12I know what it’s like not to have what I need. I also know what it’s like to have more than I need. I have learned the secret of being content no matter what happens. I am content whether I am well fed or hungry. I am content whether I have more than enough or not enough. 13I can do everything by the power of Christ. He gives me strength.
Wow, contentment in any and all situations! I wasn’t supposed to be in this class, but God brought me there at the last minute to tell me to be content! To tell me that I can do everything by the power of Christ and to tell me that He gives me strength.
The final blessing I’ll mention here came Sunday night when I sat down to see what credit bills I could pay and which companies I might have to call and explain our current situation too. Amazingly, somehow, by the Grace of God, I was able to pay every bill due this month, take out gas and food budget money, and have $73 left over. That may not sound like a lot, but that’s a gold mine to us right now! I don’t know if the basic bills will be paid next month, but I know God has provided thus far! He is good! Praise HIM! For He is truly awesome! He truly cares for us. We just have to look for Him in everything. He is there! He is good! He is!