I know you haven’t been hearing much from me lately. That’s predominantly due to my lack of time. On December 17, 2008, I started a new job with an IT company and have more limited access to the internet than I had before. In addition to that, I’m getting home in the evening 3 hours later than I was. That’s a significant change in schedule. Phil is also working much later (4-5 hours) than he used to, so our time has become extremely valuable.

These are tough times for everyone. Many are cutting back out of necessity, not simply planning. Many are losing jobs and homes. My family has been so very blessed to have been provided for by our Lord the way we have and we long to give back to others who are going through tough times right now. We are still very strapped, so we are very limited in what we can offer others, but we will do all we can!!!!

I was reading in Romans this morning and as always, God brings the Word we need each day to us. I read:
Romans 5: 1-5 (ESV) Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Suffering. What exactly is suffering? To some degree, isn’t it all relative?

Webster’s defines suffering as: “the state or experience of one that suffers.” They define suffers as: “1 a: to submit to or be forced to endure b: to feel keenly : labor under.”

I suppose under that definition, my family has been suffering. Due to the economy, we have been forced to endure some very difficult financial times. And even when we were beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, or at least an ease of our stress, we got hit with a 5% decrease in Phil’s already significantly reduced pay. That is certainly something forced on us, something we cannot control. But is it really suffering?

Yes, it is very difficult. Yes, it is the hardest time Phil and I have had to endure. Yes, the stress is palpable. But I don’t know that I would define it as suffering when I consider what others are going through.

Today’s headlines on Persecution.com read:
o Pakistan – Young Christian Woman and Her Father Imprisoned
o Eritrea – Approximately 100 Christians Arrested
o India – Church Leaders Attacked

Now that’s suffering!

God uses every tool at His means to draw us closer to him. Sometimes the things that we despise the most, fight against the hardest, and fear terribly, are the very things that bring us closer to completion. These things glorify Him. All things glorify Him.

So with that in mind, and after a step back towards the pit of stress yesterday, I’m leaning on my Lord and praising Him for all the wondrous things He has done and is doing in my life! Those I’m thrilled with and those I need to work hard to praise Him for!

Remember as a child your Mom or Dad telling you to:
• get that room cleaned…don’t delay
• do you homework…it’ll be worse if you wait until the last minute
• call your friend and tell him/her you can’t come to the party, the sooner the better

In your mind you were probably thinking that you just didn’t want to do that right now. What would it hurt to wait an hour, a day, a week? As time goes on, we still procrastinate. For me, it’s usually only on the things I hate to do or the things I’m worried about. I justify why the task doesn’t have to be done right away and I go on about my business. I must admit that I’m not usually a procrastinator. Those who know me know that I’m a planner and an organizer. I think through the schedule and the to-do list and I formulate the best method to get them all done. But there are times when I just don’t want to complete a task on the list and I put it off. Come on, we’ve all been there. How does it usually work out for you when you procrastinate?

Today, I sat down to pay the bills. Anyone whose read my previous blog posts knows that these are tough times for our family financially, so paying the bills is a depressing, yet necessary evil. It’s an evil I should have done at least 5 days ago, but I kept thinking…it can wait until tomorrow. I kept hoping that if I waited, some miracle would occur and the task would be less painful. But alas, I could no longer wait.

We have been blessed beyond what we deserve and God has provided us with funds that we did not expect to have. Without those funds, to be honest, the bills would not have been paid! When I think of the generosities that we have experienced, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude. Yet, I was still nervous about paying the bills. I knew the gifts the Lord had given us this month would certainly allow us to pay the bills currently due, but I was nervous about what, if anything would be left for the coming month as Phil and I both transition to new jobs with new pay schedules. So, my nervousness made me procrastinate. I put it off because I simply didn’t want to do it and be depressed by the results.

This afternoon, I sat down and did what I was dreading. As I progressed through the task, my heart started to lift just a bit more with each payment as I watched the balance in the check book. In the end, we did pay all the bills (only because of what the Lord has given us through the body of Christ) and we will be able to carry some funds over so that our transition will hopefully be smoother next month. Lord willing, these new jobs will bring us to a place where we no longer wonder if we can meet minimum payments. That still remains to be seen, but I know that for now we are doing ok. Not by our own strength and abilities, but by the Grace of God. He is providing beyond our wildest imagination.

As for my procrastination, well, it was just silly. With all the wonderful things I’ve seen the Lord doing in this difficult situation, I shouldn’t have procrastinated. I should have laid my fears at His feet and trusted in Him. He’s already proven He is awesome, mighty, and wonderful! I just need to have more faith, stop worrying, and do what needs to be done!

I just love this Christmas song by Casting Crowns….enjoy!!! The lyrics are below.

The Lyrics:
I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play
And mild and sweet their songs repeat
Of peace on earth good will to men

And the bells are ringing
Like a choir they’re singing
In my heart I hear them
Peace on earth, good will to men

And in despair I bowed my head
There is no peace on earth I said
For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men

But the bells are ringing
Like a choir singing
Does anybody hear them?
Peace on earth, good will to men

Then rang the bells more loud and deep
God is not dead, nor doth He sleep
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men

Then ringing singing on its way

The world revolved from night to day
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men

And the bells they’re ringing
Like a choir they’re singing
And with our hearts we’ll hear them
Peace on earth, good will to men

Do you hear the bells they’re ringing?
The life the angels singing
Open up your heart and hear them
Peace on earth, good will to men

Peace on earth, Peace on earth
Peace on earth, Good will to men

I have nothing particularly profound to say today, at least not yet. ….. Wait, I never really have anything profound to say..I just babble along. LOL. I just wanted to wish everyone the very best of Christmas seasons. I know it’s been a very difficult year for many, but regardless of the amount of money we have, what politics we ascribe to, how the weather is treating us, if our jobs are great; regardless of what is going on in this world. We have so much to be grateful for. The gift of a Savior. The promise being fullfilled in a small child. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESUS!!!!

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and an amazing New Year filled with love, peace, and joy!

I’m a 39 yr old wife and mother of two. I am a Christian and I feel well established in my neighborhood, church, and office. I’m very happy in my marriage and family. The crucial things in my life are good: family, friends, faith. Yet this weekend I had to make a very important and difficult decision: What do I want to be when I “grow-up”?

Who would have thought that at the age of 39, with a daughter in high-school and a son in 2nd grade, I’d be making such a decision. Should I have already done that? In a few months I’ll be *****GASP***** 40!!!  I should already know who I am and what I’m going to be, shouldn’t I?????

Well, I’ve found that the answer to that is, Yes and No. Yes, I know I want to be a great wife to my fabulous husband. Yes, I know I want to be the best mom I can be for my kids. Yes, I know that I want to put my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and follow Him as best I humanly can.  BUT—- No, I don’t know where I want to be professionally. And that is the decision that was suddenly and unexpectedly placed before me this weekend. Where do I want to be professionally in 2, 3, 5 years?

Quite frankly, in my ideal world, I’d be a stay-at-home mom still. But that was never to be for me. Even during the time I was able to stay home, I knew it was not to last. I’m very grateful for those years, but I’m also looking forward to what I can accomplish professionally. Eventually, the kids will be gone and then, what will I be doing?

My choice was this: stay with the company I’ve been with for 3 years, go to a full time schedule, and get licensed as a financial advisor OR take a new full time job and go back to school to get my bachelor’s degree. Both opportunities have their pro’s/con’s. Both are appealing in their own right.

Being a financial advisor would allow me to build my own business and make it my own. It would allow for an opportunity to work from home, have a great income, and be my own boss.

Getting my degree would allow me to find my own field and complete something that I was not able to complete that I have always wished I had. It would give me the chance to do whatever I wanted to do. That may or may not be my own business, who knows.

What is comes down to is this, do I want to be a financial advisor? If not, then I have to take the other opportunity and explore my degree options. If so, then I have to stay where I am, which is a very comfortable place to be.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I don’t want to be a financial advisor. I love the potential for income and the potential of running my own business, but this isn’t the type of business for me. I’m not a numbers person. I’m not interested in exploring tax options to minimize capital gains. I don’t enjoy following the markets or reading financial articles. I’m sure I can do it, but I don’t think want to.

I made the very difficult decision to move away from a “known” opportunity and go for what I think better meets my personality and interests. I moved away from a very real chance at increased income in the next 5 years, to the “possibility” of increased income. This was not an easy choice!

I believe life is about much more than numbers. I believe God gives us opportunities for a reason. I believe in my God given ability to learn and grow. I’m banking on my faith that the Lord is leading me to new opportunities and I’m moving forward.

I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m nervous. But I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. All I have to do is lean on Him! He’s really teaching me how to do that!

So, I’m helping my daugther by proofreading her english paper and I find a couple of tweaks. I hand the paper back to her and encourage her by saying: “At least you only have to change a couple things and re-print, I used to have the re-type the entire thing.” Her response, “Why would you do that?”

DAH—I must have sounded like I was saying I walked 2 miles to school in 6 feet of snow, uphill both ways for the strange look in her eyes.

I had to explain that I used a typewriter, not a computer. TOOOOOOOOOO Funny!

As seen on her Facebook profile!

The last time I took some time to blog, I was telling everyone about Phil being laid off and the turmoil associated with that. It’s been a few weeks now and things are still difficult for us. We have lived in fear of not being able to provide for our family, fear of not being able to pay the basic bills. We have cried and we have been depressed. We have felt like we were on a roller coaster; on the upside we were doing ok and truly trusting in God and a moment later we are on the down slope and our stomachs are churning and our eyes are watering. It has been very hard to find a balance of emotion. In the process, we have lost almost 25 lbs combined and we aren’t dieting. (Personally, this is an upside for me.)

In the past few weeks, even when we’ve been our most terrified, we have seen God in our troubled times. Leaning on Him is not always easy. In fact, leaning on Him takes considerable effort at times. It’s not an easy thing to give all your fears to God and just let them go. It’s not our human nature to do that. We try. We know we should. We want to trust in Him. We want the peace which transcends all understanding (Phil 4:6-7), but how do we actually implement our desire to trust and lean on Him. How do we actually give our worries to Him and find that peace?

The answer, for me recently has been: one second at a time. Yes, every single second of fear I’ve felt, I’ve had to make a conscious effort to give that second to God. I’ve had to make a decided effort to pray and trust in Him. Did I immediately feel complete peace wash over me: not really. The fear and the upset stomach, they were still there, but there was also a real sense that I logically knew God was in control.

Implementing faith and seeing God:
We have strived to give back to God what He has given to us, even in these tough times. That means still writing a check for offering every Sunday even if I don’t know if I can pay the credit card bill. I’ve sat at my desk the past few Sunday mornings writing my offering checks and praying as I do. My prayer: “Lord, I give back to you just a portion of what you have given to me. I know that things are tough right now, but I’m trusting in you Father. Please continue to provide for our family. May these funds be used to glorify you Lord.” At the end of the prayer, I seal the envelope and I try to feel peace. Not so easy to do!

But you know, praying and tithing and just trying hard to do what God would want us to do in this rough situation has shown us God’s love! He has answered our prayers in small ways. He has shown us that He is indeed with us.

Last Friday, I was blessed with two unexpected events when we really needed them. I received my paycheck and I am a salaried employee. On the paycheck, my boss had placed a $100 bonus because I had done some extra work. He didn’t need to do that at all and I certainly wasn’t expecting it….his business is feeling the effects of the stock market crisis. God was caring for me and it was beautiful. But even more than that one blessing, the same day, I arrived home and found an unexpected check for $150 in our mailbox. What a huge blessing! God was speaking to us!

Sunday morning at church, I asked in the Sunday school office if they had any needs that I could help with. They were fully staffed, so Phil and I started cleaning up a spot on the mural in the hall that was driving me nuts. Ten minutes in and I get the call to head to the 3rd grade classroom to fill in for a teacher who hadn’t arrived. This is a great group of kids and the co-teacher giving the lesson is a fabulous guy. So I dig in to help and realize that God had put me here for a specific reason. The lesson was on coveting and contentment. The last portion of the class dealt with Paul’s words in Philippians 4:11-13 11I’m not saying that because I need anything. I have learned to be content no matter what happens to me. 12I know what it’s like not to have what I need. I also know what it’s like to have more than I need. I have learned the secret of being content no matter what happens. I am content whether I am well fed or hungry. I am content whether I have more than enough or not enough. 13I can do everything by the power of Christ. He gives me strength.

Wow, contentment in any and all situations! I wasn’t supposed to be in this class, but God brought me there at the last minute to tell me to be content! To tell me that I can do everything by the power of Christ and to tell me that He gives me strength.

The final blessing I’ll mention here came Sunday night when I sat down to see what credit bills I could pay and which companies I might have to call and explain our current situation too. Amazingly, somehow, by the Grace of God, I was able to pay every bill due this month, take out gas and food budget money, and have $73 left over. That may not sound like a lot, but that’s a gold mine to us right now! I don’t know if the basic bills will be paid next month, but I know God has provided thus far! He is good! Praise HIM! For He is truly awesome! He truly cares for us. We just have to look for Him in everything. He is there! He is good! He is!